The Onion

Horrified man suddenly realizes he’s putting down roots in Charlotte (The Onion)

Posted on 29 Jan 2014 by Justin Ruckman

You’ve gotta read this piece, published today on The Onion:

In addition, it hit Collier that he actually has strong, informed opinions about the job Patrick Cannon has been doing as mayor so far.

“Oh God, I think I’m starting to become an active and engaged member of the Charlotte community,” said Collier, shuddering at the thought of being only seven months from having to get a North Carolina driver’s license. “Over the holidays I went to the annual Holiday Afternoon Tea event at the Ritz-Carlton in Uptown Charlotte and without missing a beat I thought, ‘This should be a new tradition I do every year at Christmas.’”